Navigating Secondary Infertility

Jun 17

Many parents with cancer are in the middle of building a family when a cancer diagnosis hits. Plans for having more children may be interrupted while navigating treatment and recovery. Some parents may find themselves facing secondary infertility as a result of their cancer or cancer treatment.

What is secondary infertility? Secondary infertility is the inability to conceive a child or carry a pregnancy to term after already having a child. Some parents may have had difficulty conceiving their children before cancer, while others may be navigating the challenges of infertility for the first time.

Questions for your medical team

How did my cancer treatment affect my fertility?
What are the chances of me getting pregnant naturally due to my treatment?
How long after treatment should I wait to get pregnant?
Are there risks to my health or the health of my future children due to my cancer/treatment?
What are the hereditary concerns of my cancer (i.e. what are the risk factors of my cancer being passed to my children?)
What are my options for fertility preservation (ex: freezing eggs/sperm)? Are there benefits to starting this process now vs. waiting to see if I get pregnant naturally?
Should I see a fertility specialist?
Are there any clinical trials relevant to my cancer and infertility diagnosis?
Are there any support groups or services available for me/my partner?

How to answer your children’s questions

It is natural for children to ask about having siblings…. but these questions might feel especially difficult if you are mourning building a family in the ways that you originally imagined.

Don’t over-promise and avoid reassuring your children that they will have a brother or sister if you do not have a guaranteed plan.
It is o.k. to say you don’t know and wait to respond to whatever feelings come up for them about the uncertainty.
You may want to explore their desire for a sibling with questions like, “What would it be like to have a brother or sister?” or “How might our family be different with more kids?”
Allow kids to have whatever feelings they have–do not try to talk them out of any sadness, anger or disappointment. They may need to grieve too.
Remind them of all of the wonderful ways your family is amazing just as it is, even if there are no more kids on the way.
Engage in activities that reinforce your bond as a family, such as creating a family flag, writing a story/poem/song about your family, or making a play-doh sculpture of your family.

If you move forward with conceiving through medical procedures, surrogacy, fostering or adoption, talk to your children about the process. They will likely have questions! Consider using children’s books or connect with other families who have gone through a similar process so your kids can normalize the experience.

Resources:

Bright Spot Network Resources

Video Link Parenting with Cancer Panel: Navigating Secondary Fertility

Downloadable “Quick Guide” on Secondary Infertility

Fertility Preservation & Financial Assistance

Alliance for Fertility Preservation

Baby Quest

Chick Mission

Heart Beat Program

Hopeful Mama Foundation

International Council on Infertility Information Dissemination

Livestrong Fertility

Resolve the National Infertility Association